Seattle to take The Emerald City back to Old-Timey Times

For decades Seattle has paved the way for innovation, technology and progress. We are excited to announce that 2014 marks the end of this journey, it is time to turn back the clocks!  Recent city decisions regarding uberX have shown that Seattle is really missing the good old days. A “reliable source” has leaked that Seattle is talking about ditching lap tops for a typewriters, an organized group called Bring Back Blockbuster has succeeded in banning Netflix within city limits, and carrier pigeons will now be used instead of smart phones.

WE NEED TO SUPPORT OUR CITY’S QUEST TO RETURN TO THE TURN OF THE CENTURY!

Since we here at Uber have gotta keep with the times we are making a few changes. Instead of the beloved hybrid and mid-sized vehicles you get when requesting uberX, you’ll be whisked away on horseback. Need a Black Car? Well, now you’ll get to enjoy the luxury of a covered wagon! Need to transport you and 5 friends to the bar on a Friday night? ALL ABOARD! Your steam engine is arriving now!

old_timeyEven though we are adding these new options like Horses and Trains to help you get around, the former uberX cars (now horseys!) and will still be capped at 150. How will the city make sure we do not break the 150 mark? Well, there are talks that this advanced piece of technology will be used:

Old Timey Times!

TAKIN’ IT TO THE STREETS

Our source has also informed us that ever-present construction on the Mercer Corridor between Interstate 5 and Queen Anne Avenue has successfully reduced the thoroughfare to one dirt lane. The once multi-laned roadway was a primary means of transport for vehicles seeking access to Interstate 5 and Highway 99 from the Queen Anne/Seattle Center neighborhoods. With constant road construction and lane closures occurring for the past 5 years the roadway has slowly been reduced to a trickle of what it once was and now is left to be traversed by the means of Conestoga wagon.

Popular in the late 18th and early 19th century the Conestoga wagon drawn by horse or oxen was a popular means of transportation across the westward expansion of the United States. Soon the wagon can be seen making its way through the Mercer corridor. When asked for “comment” the city “stated”, “We have high hopes that we can bring traffic to a complete standstill by 2015.”

We also got word that Bertha is in fact not drilling an underground tunnel, but is on a mission to restore Seattle to what she once was… below sea level!  Her getting stuck is simply a ruse, don’t let them fool you.  She is in fact working to restore Seattle’s streets to the glory of yesteryear.   This project is scheduled to be completed in August of 2045.

What your Uber “Black Car” ride will look like on Mercer.

WHILE WE’RE AT IT.

Keeping up with the theme of how the Seattle is going we are also going to introduce a new way to request an Uber! Phone run out of juice? NO PROBLEM. Just send us a telegram! We’ve already started testing this service. Here is an example of what an Uber request will look like through telegram:

Western_Union_Seattle

Seattle, are you ready for a new way of looking at innovation? We are.

Team Uber Seattle: Jen, Travis, Brooke, Bryce, Melissa, Tom, Chelsea, Meg, and Ryan

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