Seattle to take The Emerald City back to Old-Timey Times
For decades Seattle has paved the way for innovation, technology and progress. We are excited to announce that 2014 marks the end of this journey, it is time to turn back the clocks! Recent city decisions regarding uberX have shown that Seattle is really missing the good old days. A “reliable source” has leaked that Seattle is talking about ditching lap tops for a typewriters, an organized group called Bring Back Blockbuster has succeeded in banning Netflix within city limits, and carrier pigeons will now be used instead of smart phones.
WE NEED TO SUPPORT OUR CITY’S QUEST TO RETURN TO THE TURN OF THE CENTURY!
Since we here at Uber have gotta keep with the times we are making a few changes. Instead of the beloved hybrid and mid-sized vehicles you get when requesting uberX, you’ll be whisked away on horseback. Need a Black Car? Well, now you’ll get to enjoy the luxury of a covered wagon! Need to transport you and 5 friends to the bar on a Friday night? ALL ABOARD! Your steam engine is arriving now!
Even though we are adding these new options like Horses and Trains to help you get around, the former uberX cars (now horseys!) and will still be capped at 150. How will the city make sure we do not break the 150 mark? Well, there are talks that this advanced piece of technology will be used:
TAKIN’ IT TO THE STREETS
Our source has also informed us that ever-present construction on the Mercer Corridor between Interstate 5 and Queen Anne Avenue has successfully reduced the thoroughfare to one dirt lane. The once multi-laned roadway was a primary means of transport for vehicles seeking access to Interstate 5 and Highway 99 from the Queen Anne/Seattle Center neighborhoods. With constant road construction and lane closures occurring for the past 5 years the roadway has slowly been reduced to a trickle of what it once was and now is left to be traversed by the means of Conestoga wagon.
Popular in the late 18th and early 19th century the Conestoga wagon drawn by horse or oxen was a popular means of transportation across the westward expansion of the United States. Soon the wagon can be seen making its way through the Mercer corridor. When asked for “comment” the city “stated”, “We have high hopes that we can bring traffic to a complete standstill by 2015.”
We also got word that Bertha is in fact not drilling an underground tunnel, but is on a mission to restore Seattle to what she once was… below sea level! Her getting stuck is simply a ruse, don’t let them fool you. She is in fact working to restore Seattle’s streets to the glory of yesteryear. This project is scheduled to be completed in August of 2045.
WHILE WE’RE AT IT.
Keeping up with the theme of how the Seattle is going we are also going to introduce a new way to request an Uber! Phone run out of juice? NO PROBLEM. Just send us a telegram! We’ve already started testing this service. Here is an example of what an Uber request will look like through telegram:
Seattle, are you ready for a new way of looking at innovation? We are.
Team Uber Seattle: Jen, Travis, Brooke, Bryce, Melissa, Tom, Chelsea, Meg, and Ryan
We’re excited to expand the Uber for Business platform beyond business travel, to include a world-class customer transportation solution, Uber Central. With Uber Central, organizations of all shapes and sizes can now easily provide on-demand, door-to-door transportation for their customers, clients, and guests.
A little over a year ago, we set out to put a new spin on an old classic–make reliable food delivery available at the tap of a button. Back then, we started by offering food in the UberEATS app from 1,000 pioneering restaurant partners in four cities. And today, more than 40,000 restaurants globally–from poke shops to pasta spots–are sharing food with customers through UberEATS. With a growing restaurant community comes more choices and more complexity. So we’re cooking up features to continue to make UberEATS easy and reliable. Here is a taste–
This flu season, we’re delivering free flu-fighting care packages across the country. When you receive a pack, you’ll have the option to request a free flu shot from a registered nurse–for up to 5 people.