No banker bonus? Londoners, meet your UberDaddy

Alright, London?! I’m no Mystic Meg but I’d say you’re in need of a good pick-me-up…

When times are tough and the economy gets you down or a premature exit from another international football tournament (to the only team arguably worse than us at penalties) leaves you feeling unloved, sometimes you just want someone to whisk you away from it all. Someone take you out for a fancy meal or for a dirty weekend in the south of France…You want someone comforting and dependable who makes you feel important – a Sugar Daddy.

Well London, we are Uber. Our ambitions are tall, our windows are dark and our drivers are handsome. London is no Athens or Madrid, but Uber is your personal bailout from the cruel realities of the day. We’re your American cousins who’ve mastered the art of elegance on demand. Push a button and a luxury car appears.

There are many things Britain excels at over America – my personal favorites include the art of sarcasm, and the concept of political accountability (PMQs are awesome!)

But let’s face it, your puritan ancestors who fled this debauched island learned to do a few things well too. Uber combines a few of them – technical innovation, efficiency, instant gratification, customer service and the importance of personal indulgence.

We’ve taken these all-American elements that made McDonalds possible, applied them to luxury transportation and turned up the “awesome” for the fashion-forward digital generation – Uber is fast foie gras.

If the Duchess of Cambridge has taught us anything, it’s that royalty is accessible to us all. But you need not put in the groundwork of seducing Harry if impish gingers aren’t your thing. Not that we don’t think it’s totally cool for the royals to ponce around in Bentleys and Jaguars, especially in a Jubilee year, but Uber is here to democratize this divine right of kings. By downloading our app, you’re one button away from an S-class Merc, Jag XFR or 7-series Beemer appearing at your door. We’re all royals now.

We’ve all got varied attitudes towards this glorious Olympic year. Whatever your plans, London itself is getting several botox injections that we should all benefit from. We’re getting Wifi on the tube, a rejuvenated east end, high speed rail, extensions to the DLR, increased capacity on the Jubilee line and now luxury cars on demand. At Uber we’re downright giddy to be a part of this London facelift.

With Uber officially launched, London now has a chic alternative to the hallowed but elusive black cabs and the minicab pioneer of yesteryear, Addison Lee. Both run a pretty reliable fleet of basic cars and minivans. That’s great, but Uber provides a distinctly high-end service at a comparable price. Uber is the Mayfair lounge to their Sunday bridge club. Speak softly between sips of complimentary bottled water in the cushioned cradle in the back seat of an Uber Jag and the absence of Perspex window means your chauffeur won’t have trouble hearing you.

In this age of occupy wall street and banker bonus populist revolt, Uber is London’s Robin Hood, bringing elitist privilege to the downtrodden. Travel better than your boss, just don’t let him see you doing it or that raise might be harder to negotiate…

Who’s your Daddy?


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